A song I just learned. The lyrics is good- making Jesus the centre of our life, responding to Him with all we have, stepping out from the comfort zone, the unknown, and trusting the Lord of the things ahead, letting go our the comfort, holding on to Him, in the fear- replace wth peace...
Centre Of My Life
Jonas Myrin, Natasha Bedingfield
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole and my eyes on You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
PreChorus:
Freedom comes, when I call You Lord
You are Lord, my God
Chorus:
You are the Centre of it all
The universe declares in awe
Your Majesty, I surrender all
I make You the Centre of my life
Lord I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of Heaven's melody
Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song
Verse 2:
I have found Your peace,
it replaces any fear
You have done it all, I can trust in You
Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone
Letting go of me, holding on to You
Bridge:
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings healing to this land
This is Your song, not mine
It is Your song, that brings freedom
Friday, March 10, 2006
Song for the season
10th March 2006,
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
Friday. It's lunch time, just back from Adventist hospital, just to get a chop from Dr. Elizebeth, and get some goodies for Kawai, yum yum. Bought some muffins and biscuit for the department too, later have Department Meeting. Had been 2 months, we have been slagging behind. Just heard from Boey Trini just delivered BB Boy, wah..tht's so fast, 2 BB in a year, and she can stand. Awesome!...
I wanna post this song in the blog. Other than "heal me O Lord" this song will be the song of the season. The lyrics ministered to my heart, even in the darkest hour, even where You seems far away- I need Your grace- it's by Your grace for me to Sing, and I will Sing...Sing Praise to You...
I will Sing
(Don Moen-Hosanna Intergrity)
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
It's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
What all that's in my heart
I will sing; I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing
Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
I don't know where to start
But as You give the Grace
With all that's in my heart
Thank You Lord, for You never let me go, and You understand the deepest of the deep in me, Thank you Lord for loving me the way I am, just the way I am, and accept me just being me. Thank you Lord, for that Grace you give- and that carry me on, that Grace, that Love carry me on. Thank you Daddy!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed
7th March 2006,
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
6.47pm Wednesday evening in the hospital. Today Ms Tan on-leave, then I've been sitting front to do DrugMaster setup for new system transfer. Oh gosh, my eye so weak now, am so tired. I work through my lunch, till I forgotten that Management Meeting is 2.30pm. I was half an hour late for meeting- walking in so 'selamba', and sit far end from boss. Boring. All the big big HODs and the discussion. Not in tune with the flow of the meeting. Nothing much from my department, did not measure the performance tho'- expect all should be fine and well.
I
Previous blog said about "Floating". I decided to change Cell, I hope I make a right decision after so long thoughts. Which one to go? Not sure- Can't say now, wanna go all round, and shop around- to have the experience when I'm just newly join church-fresh from start. But are you serious about that? What do you want to achieve? What's the criterias? I don't know. Probably I want more serious Cell, a cell that is strong in the Words, and environment that I can grow. This doesn't mean that I am not growing in DU. It' just that I'm probably in the stagnant mode that I need some push up. Oh 'push up'?? How can you say that? No one can push you, you got to make effort. I know I know..make effort, I know, but I just need the condusive environment to make effort. Oh, I don't know- I can't explain that. I also don't know what I want..sob sob.
I got a cassette from Lily Kang (Merck). It's Don Moen- God will make a Way. One of the song is Heal me O Lord. I love this song. It just ministered in my heart, as if my heart has been so full of burdens and worldly concerns, that it has been so less of Him but more of Me. Oh how the heart has been wandered from the passion. O Lord, help me to draw back to You, heal me O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved....You are the one I praised. Give You this heart. Like the people of Israel that has been wandering away from you, has forgotten Your wonderful work. Hw easy these sheep wandered away, yet Yur love is so great- neve failed to bring us back. Hodling us in the palms of Your hands. Always there whenever we turn back to You. Help me Father to be consistently loving You, staying in the right Faith. Faith Lord...Increase my faith, one step ahead, when You drawing 999 steps forward, just a step ahead. Pls Lord- be patience with me, I'm trying to walk that small step. I need to do it, not because I must, because I want to, because I love You Lord!
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Floating.....a place to belong?
4th March 2006,
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Saturday morning-10.56am, am working, outside girls are chatting- probably not much of patients. Just now test Urine Dipstick- Sugar NAD, Albumin ++, oh dear, not a good result. Hope mum able to successfully pass the Prudential Insurance Policy, or else it'll be blacklisted and not able to get any in the future. Yeah, insurance policy- why I'm so worried? Rest assured in God, if she get she'll get, or else don't worry- trusting God's the ultimate protector of His children. If can get, praise the Lord, if not, also praise the Lord- so don't fret Shirley, don't need to. Later will see what Dr. Leong said about the result.
Yeah- floating, Am I floating? Last night I joined Zion/Marcus's CG, and A2J/Roland's CG. Celebrating Joanne's Bday. Had fun, behaving pretty wild- unlike the Shirley that people's know. Pr. always said to 'be yourself'. Am I myself? I think I am myself, sometimes to behave childlike, or even childish, sometime serious, and sometimes moody, sometimes stern non-smile look. It's just how I behave in different environment, does that means I have a spilt personality? I don't think so. It's a flexibility. Yet such flexibility should also be guarded carefully, that the reaction and response will something that is 'faking out'. You'll know it deep within, the genuine or the fake. Whatever it is- all actions should be flow out from you, yourself. A child of God, accepted by God the way He created you, loved by JC.
Mum is now in A/S. Will be there for a week. She has been independant- not sure she'll be ok alone there. Always a concerned. Wish sis will be back- at least I can share my burden, but she's happy in Johor, don't think it's good idea to force her back. She's growing well- with church, cell and the accountable friends there. One thing I admire about her, able to open up- strong inside. Myself appeared to be strong outside, yet inside is so weak and fragile. Our "position in Christ"- very well said. Probably it's for me to rediscover my position in Him, and to grab the promise, grab hold of that love of Christ. I know it's there- freely ascessible, 24 hours available, died for me on the Cross- take away my shame, renewed me. Loves me so so much. Yet, it seem hard to hv the breakthrough- something entangles, need tp push push and push, and tired, sometimes just feel like giving up. Life is as such. Again, a paradign shift of our perspective, how we look at things. You are what you thinketh. How true. All should channeled back to the WOG. Let that be life, let the Word be life, to breath life and transform life. Reconcilation is one time, transformation is on-going. Yet reconcilation should be the first to get right with before transformation. Yes, I've reconcilled to Him, yet there're still many things I should get reconcilled before the transformation.
O Lord, I trust in You, and I really did- where else can I turn to, for You hold the Word of eternal life. I trust You holding up my life in the palms of Your hands; before I utter any words, You already knew it, such knowledge is too marvelous and wonderful for me to phantom. I trust, not with my mouth- but with my heart, and thoughts, I trust.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
March- another month...
2nd March 2006,
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
6.38pm. Time up, yet still in the office, has been a while didn't do blog, now trying to think wht to write. Has been a while, it's so fast, alreadt March. Today kinda busy, with work, e-THIS thingy with it's date due had just keep me busy. Life is the same, nothing much to share about. Cell Group the same I guess, I think my deli delly attitude just pull me aside to decide what to do and where I should be heading. This Fri CG at Philip's house, but I told Eric I'm gonna visit Jon's Cell, might just end up his Cell, not too sure. Starting another 2 weeks the Cell will meet in church for CWMC, at that point also not sure which Cell to join in. Floating, yeah floating and it's not that good- yet trusting God to lead me, somehow to lead me to a place, to grow.
Just now mum came for check up, for ME to get new Prudential Insurance Policy. Wow, the premium is really high, 250 per-month, means will be 3k per-year. Not sure what's Christian view about insurance. It's about protection, more of to protect and also saving, yet the Bible said that He will watch over us, and protect us, and He will provide, why do we wanna get insurance then? Some Christians has very strong oppose on the buying insurance- it shows our lack of trust in the Lord. I bought insurance for own, and family. Yeah, I don't see any reason of showing lack of trust. It's more of the motive- what's our motive? No right or wrong.
Gonna be going to KL again this 11 March for Avastin Launching. Hope to meet up with Angie, Keong and Kawai. A time to go off from Penang. But will usually feel tired. Will be travelling quite often in the future. April will have another symposium ISOPP X at Hilton, then May 3 rd week will be going to Singapore for a week for NCC attachment. Has been running around, travelling and floating. Oh Lord, what do You want me to learn in such time as this?
Monday, February 20, 2006
Avillion.. there I come
20th February 2006,
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Monday 5.51pm, it's a busy day. Taking things slowly and steadily, one thing at a time. A lot to work on. Just got back from Avillion, a nice place- first time sharing room with other participant, but it was good- coz sharing with Olivia- catching up with her, and shared on the CA memories and updates. Hotel is nice, open air bathroom, I enjoyed the who seminar. The participant very much outgoing and open, they're Singaporean girls, 25 participant, all girls except one guy. We had fun time- most of the participant very young, so we have team building- and also presentation on the different group. I'm in Roman Empire group, and we're given Roman Empire dress, One King's dress- for Caesar and another 4 for ladies, Egyptian dress. So we form a drama, dance for the King, to pick his wife to be. I dance Chinese papar-fan dance. Hmm..not bad, quite fun. We finally won 1st prize- got a free foot massage service, but I gave it away to others coz I got to catch a flight the next day. Learn quite a lot in the seminar. Interaction with the Singaporean gives me some insights. Even though I'm usually quiet, yet I can know a few people, and tht's good enough. Shld need to keep in touch, hope to see them again.
Yeah, Monday Blues. Working life has been okie. A lot things yet to finalize- on new projects and planning for extension of CDR, yet taking my time, slowly. Learn on delegation, and asking God for wisdom each day. Talk to Celina just now, yeah- shared about brother, and family. Last night chat with mum has been in my heart- yeah, expectation again. Why did I placed such high expectation on brother? Have I been understanding enough? I should silence up, and not justify anymore. Rest it to the Lord, and may He guide the family. The life of Job- He gives and He take away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Can I praise Him in times of imperfection, in times of shaking? My level of trust, and the stillness. Pr Sam's sermon for Sunday has been good- all come back to the Word of God. How much have we really soak ourselves in the Word of God? Hw passionate are we? How hungry are we? How's our response after the Word? Grieve and repents then what?..then what? What should be the reaction? Take it with joy.. joy in His Word.
Father, forgive me for being lagging in drawing in Your Word. You've run 999 steps to reach out to me, and it requires only a step from me. Forgive me for such lack of faith and trust. Father I wanna run back to Your Word, not by might, not by power but by Your Spirit. Yes, it require a little step, and I'm coming Daddy, please bear with me. Thank you, work in me each day. Through good time or bad time, I know Lord You're near, so near, so so near...praise You Lord. Holy Spirit work deep in me. Thank You! Amen!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Testing 1,2, 3...Blogging Picture:)
Ehhh...?? Who is this? Cun Babe..."I'm Ms. Dew, call me Peace", her name is Dew_Peace :DDDD
Hehe..never bother to play on the blog till today. Got to wait till 7.30pm for Support-Group dinner. I should write something about myself then, since this can be published. What can I say...Simple, yet deep; Ordinary yet Extra-Cautionary; Gentle& Caring (duh..) yet Complex, Sweet, and Cute- yet Fierce. Soft, and Fragile yet Tough and Stubborn, don't mess with her;)
I remember I put this in my Friendster: "Bipolar-mixed personality;
Chol-Phleg-Melancho-Sang (20%-25%-50%-5%) Loved by JC.
Anyhow, I always been reminded of His Word in Psalms, that's how how my Daddy manufacture me :D
Psalms 139:13-16
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
[b] Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
Open the eyes of our Heart, Lord
9th February 2006,
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
It's 2.13pm, Thurs afternoon. Just took bread for lunch, tonite have a CNY dinner with cancer patient support group. Will be staying in hospital then. I forgotten to ask my pharmcists to attend, no only telling them and they said they got plan already-so later I'll be going alone. Work has been good- planning for new renovation for our new unit. Quite excited over it. Becoming an architect cum pharmacist now, trying to sort out how to renovate my little new castle- the clean-room, the positioning of the emergency shower, getting quotation from suppliers. I guess I'm quite slow- don't know a lot of things, not sure about right procedures, feeling like I'm as if like a gun that shooting randomly, all plan half here half there...maybe I'm too 'tamak' want to do everything- so that at least I touch a little here and there. Good and bad, good coz I'll have wider scope on more projects and more new things to do, but bad- coz it'll lack of depth. But overall, have not receive and bad inputs on my job performance. Boss has been a goodman, even though he's rather quiet, don't really speak a lot, but I work well with him. I have alot flexibility and I don't want to abuse that, will only use if needed. I think boss also trust me a lot. Okay la so far...
Last night Prayer-Drive. I drove around Century Bay apartment, then around BJ court. Our group pray for the Migrant worker: Kasturi, Ps Mei, Ken and Caroline, myself one car. The prayer drive is good, we really sense the presence of God surronds us. Even though the prayer list has been given but the Lord impressed us to pray with new light, new scope. Our car got a lot prayer warriors- Pr Mei and Kasturi and Ken really wonderful people. I always very encourage by this sort of people that so passionate on the work of Ministry. Indeed the harvest field is plentiful- see how the Lord open the door bringing so many migrant worker to Malaysia, Nepal, Vietnamese, Bangladeshi. It's open door, it's time for church to rise up. It's Kairos time- for the churches aroud to wake up and take the call. But why is our heart so complacent and so hard to move? Am questioning myself too- wht is God calling me in the area of evangelism, or mission? Awaken the Sleeping Giant....awaken that sleeping giant, awaken- Wake up. Now is the time! Can't you see it? Open our Spiritual Blindness eyes. The Word is there, the Word is life, how are we receiving it? Are we hungry and long for His Word?
O Lord, forgive us for being sleeping, a sleeping giant. Over contented, complacency, blinded by the worldly system, our eyes has not seen our ear has not heard, our heart has not understand what You're doing admist of us. Forgive us Lord, for building our own houses, and forgetting your altar, Your house. Forgive us for pitching the tents so many times, yet never laid any altar..How wretch of us. Yet You loves us, you loves me and give Your life for me- on the Cross of Calvary. That precious blood, the gift of life, how can we comprehend. Help me not to loose the focus of such love and free gifts. It's time- Open the eyes of my Heart Lord!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Earliest Sleeping Time
7th February 2006,
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
8.42am, last night was my earliest sleeping time- 10am already Zzzzz, so sweet and sound, plan to adjust the clock to wake up early in the morning 6am, but keep on snooze my H/P alarm each time it ring. Oh dear...I'm so lazy, battling to wake up. End up- praying in prostrate position- praying for family and working place. Babbling through, decided to put on my feet to wake up. Oh, Shirley- what a discipline. Got to work out my body, sleep early rise up early. Oh, now I feel even as I slept for more than 8 hours, yet the body and bones seems so tired and rusty, is that sign of aging? Or, got to plan for something more challenging to do.
Today Ms Tan, my store-keeper on leave. Anything happen to the stock issue will come to me. Am not very happy to handle stock issue- always have the idea pharmacist's job should not concern stock- it's more of patient-care but the situation now has change. Am I being content in such job scope? In term of management, how has I been contributing, and whether did I grow in higher level dealing with managing staff and issues.
O Lord, grant me wisdom today, that every decision making and each speech from my mouth will be guided with Your Spirit, that whatever I do, let me do it for You and not of pleasing man alone. Oh Lord, guide me today- grant me strength and joy in marketplace- let me be a testimony, touching a life today. Amen!
Monday, February 06, 2006
The Ever Funniest Dream
6th February 2006,
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
5.08pm Monday evening. After CNY holidays, momentum doesn't seem to pick up, still lazy around. February gonna be great. Last Sunday sermon was just so good- about Man of Honor, not just focus on man alone, but also applied to women as well. About hw I'm living my life, between Bethel and Ai, between Godliness and worldliness. It's always a challenge, life always a challenge. I realize so many things about myself, some weakness coated with strength. How do i use it. Yes, it's not difficult to get a degree but not education. Education comes from above, wisdom from experience, life experience, learning to pick up when you fall. Learning to not repeat the errors again when you're wrongly walk on it. It need constant reminder- the inner being should be strong, the background and basic should be strong. I desire that Lord- help me, I'm willing to be broken, painful but I wanna hear You Lord, pls speak Your Word of wisdom and my heart will hear you, my heart will hear You and be still, and know You are Lord, You are Who I am that is speaking the very Word. Continue to soften my heart. To be soft when it's required to be soft, and to be strong and hard when it's suppose to be. Your time.
The title of my blog is about my dream- it's just so funny, and I think I've told a lot of the people I met, and have a good laugh over it. I seldom get dreams, and this time it's so real- that's why I thot of maybe write in this blog- next time if I ever read back I'll just laugh at myself. The story is like that: I was so tired, after all the play, lack of sleep, sleep almost 1.30am every night. Too "Hong So" (Joanne called me that). And I eat quite much during CNY. Actually not really a lot, but don't know why I got this dream. I dreamt that I eat a whole lot during Chinese New Year, all the leftover food, all the beer, and all the biscuit that laid on the living room table. Then one day, I weigh myself- I looked down the scale, Oh Shirley! It's 100kg. Oh No!!!! Oh NO!!, then I woke up, and literally I woke up and check my body..Realize that the fats is normal, my normal fats only. Thanks God. Wow, what a revelation, maybe God wanna remind me to keep my body more in shape, or it's just a warning that "Shirley- if you don't control your diet- you gonna end up like that- don't say I didn't warn you- self control my dear". Hmm..makes me scare of eating too much. The day after the incidence, I remember, Sat I went to work, I didn't take food from morning till afternoon- I wish I can skip dinner, but too hungry, got to eat:) Oh dear..I got to work out my body. Need to reduce fats- so I determine to use the TonicFlex every nite before I sleep, hope it able to work well:) Determine wor...cakap saja kah Shirley? Dun cakap only, must loose weight! Jia You! Jia You!...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Saturday...7th Day of CNY
4th February 2006,
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
It's Saturday, 1.13pm to be exact. Whole week of rest for CNY has been a refreshing one, even though got some spike here and there, overall, God is so good. Today nothing much in work. Early morning got angpow from Boey, cute little Kitty angpow, then a request from Choong to take leave during May. I've been reluctant to release her for leave, we has some arguement and she almost cry- I've not been mean, she should able to understand the condition. Can't always demand own ways. She complaints that it's stressful working here, and she waana leave Pharmacy and prefer to transfer other department. Am really don't know how to handle such person. I don't want to say yes to her, even though I can allow her to take leave. Make it hard so tht people will not make use and take advantage of the leave. Bad eh?
Has been a while didn't write blog- just do so before logging off for another week. Am planning on the CDR Room- don't know that I got to be architect also for the requirement of the CDR for 2007. No experience, but trusting God and take slow step each step at a time, pray the Lord to guide me.
Yesterday attended Jon's CG- Mawar CG. There're quite a numbers in the Cell- Jon and Esthers, Pauline and Terry, Pr. Mei and Pr. Eddy, Pr. Samuel and Pricilla, Angeline and Becky (Phillipino), Loon, Uncle Andy and Desmond, Anthony (Indian guy). Who else I left out- yeah, Susie and Asley. Big group, such a strength and dynamic in the group, got family, couples, single. The worship was just great, accapella worship yet it's so full of the heart. It's so nice to sing without music, without any musical instrument. The Words shared was great. I'm so encouraged. The word is on Cahpter 6: The Ambassodors of Christ, taken from 2 Cor 5. The sharing initisally quite boring- more of theology and bible verses- then turn out to be very much practical and down to earth. 2 things that capture my attention. How are we Christian different fron the non-believers? How are we being as His Ambassodors in working place? There're so many good people around- so many very well manannered and good people around us, but what makes us stand out? To truly stand out as the light of the world? It's not just of doing good- coz everybody doing good nowadays. But it should be more, doing more good, exceedingly, higher standard. What others can't do and we do? What's so different?
Second- all our works should be compelled by love, overflow by love. That should be the fuel, by love. Others probably do good out of motives to get acceptance and approval by others, getting promotion or make ourselves feel good about it, or feel high. But what about us? Why do we continue want to strive giving the best, motivated by love, by what the Lord has done for us- because we had tasted that he is good. Are we tasting the goodness of God, or else how do we share the sweetness to the rest when we don't? So many Christians has been so comfortable, did not carry the light, or don't bother to share, because maybe we has long not tasted God, not enabling ourselves soak in His Word and Promises and in His love. If we don't be Ambassodors, who else? Who else can reach to the world? Oh God, such a standard- need His infilling- daily, let the cup be fulled and overflowing so that others will just see the goodness, the difference.
Pondering my life in working world, have I been faithful in His calling to be minister in working place? Have I been faithful, and taking the opportunity to love, to be Christlike? In the midst of the politics and the backbiting, where do I stand? Have I been different, standing in the gap to pray and to channel Hos love through me? O Lord, forgive me of my short-coming, that many times I shut my heart from those unlovable people, that I've compromise on the worldly standard and scheme and games played. Help me to stand out as light, Your Light, Your Armor, Your Ambassodors, to stand out- that people will see Christ in us. Amen!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Held by His Hands
HELD BY HIS HANDS
You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher.
You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness—the Holy Spirit. In your hands he placed a rope—his Word.
Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.
But then the rope tightened, and the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, you smiled at him and he smiled at you, and the journey resumed.
Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are also confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can’t see your guide, you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from falling.And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don’t quit. Though your falls are great, his strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top.
And when you get there, the first thing you’ll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:
“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24 NIV).
You and I are on a great climb. The wall is high, and the stakes are higher.
You took your first step the day you confessed Christ as the Son of God. He gave you his harness—the Holy Spirit. In your hands he placed a rope—his Word.
Your first steps were confident and strong, but with the journey came weariness, and with the height came fear. You lost your footing. You lost your focus. You lost your grip, and you fell. For a moment, which seemed like forever, you tumbled wildly. Out of control. Out of self-control. Disoriented. Dislodged. Falling.
But then the rope tightened, and the tumble ceased. You hung in the harness and found it to be strong. You grasped the rope and found it to be true. You looked at your guide and found Jesus securing your soul. With a sheepish confession, you smiled at him and he smiled at you, and the journey resumed.
Now you are wiser. You have learned to go slowly. You are careful. You are cautious, but you are also confident. You trust the rope. You rely on the harness. And though you can’t see your guide, you know him. You know he is strong. You know he is able to keep you from falling.And you know you are only a few more steps from the top. So whatever you do, don’t quit. Though your falls are great, his strength is greater. You will make it. You will see the summit. You will stand at the top.
And when you get there, the first thing you’ll do is join with all the others who have made the climb and sing this verse:
“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24 NIV).
Love - The Defination
Extracted from Celina's Blog- something to ponder through, what love can do....
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.
but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
in the game of love, it doesnt really matter who won or who lost.
whats important is you know when to hold on & when to let go.
you know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy,
even if their happiness means that youre not part of it.
Everything happens for the best.
if the person you love doesnt love you back,
dont be afraid to love someone else again,
for youll never know unless you give it a try.
youll never love the person you love unless you risk for love.
love strives in hurting.
if you dont get hurt, you dont learn how to love.
love doesnt hurt you all the time.
though hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.
Dont find love, let love find you.
thats why its called falling in love because you dont force yourself to
fall. you just fall....
you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
if you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.
it is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering & growing.
we lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else
who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.
on falling out of love, take sometime to heal & then get back on the horse.
but dont ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejections,
to live is to risk dying,
to hope is to risk failure.
but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing.
to reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self.
TO LOVE IS TO RISK NOT TO BE LOVED IN RETURN.
How to define LOVE:
Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent,
Share & never be unfair, understand & not to demand,
Hurt but never keep the pain.
Love is like a knife.
it can stab the heart or it carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.
love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
it should inspire you & give you joy & strength.
but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.
loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be & where they choose to be with.
for all the heartaches & the tears, for gloomy days & fruitless years,
you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.
Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way,
whether it leads towards you or away from you.
love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful,
for only then youll experience the fullness of humanity & that is love.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire & tear you apart.
only love can make you cry & only love knows why.
When you decide to love, allow it to grow.
When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Heart of Flesh and Spirit
27th January 2006,
It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.
For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.
What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.
Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!
It's 1.46pm. Just now had branch with Marcus at OFA (Old Free-school Association). Had nice chat with him regarding family matter. It's CNY mood. People has been discussing on what's the planning for CNY and how much bonus they get from the consultants. Patient workload is alright, not so many patients. Myself had been slowing down- quite bored, don't know what to do. Wanna go back- later 4.30pm got to make a point to leave hospital sharp- if there's no issue. Or else will be expected jam.
For the past few nites have been going out, just don't wanna stay home. What a change. Waiting for sis to come back- then holidays- normal- Chinese New Year has always be quiet one. May it be a time of rest, to refreshed, to catch up with old friends, and family reunion. Talking about family- just now brother called. He want to borrow RM1000 from me. What should I be feeling? It's not the matter of money. He has not been contributing to family expenses and I did not say anything about it, and now he wanted to borrow from me, Chinese New Year- borrow from his sister. How should I be feeling? Well- think positive, not to sway to the other side. Maybe he needed help. Well, what can I do? Myself also has been very thrifty, with the expenses and car maintenance, mum's insurans payment, housing maintenance and tax. Talking about money- it's somehow a sensitive issue. I can break a family ties if not handle well. One thing I see, mum's heart was hurt- when brother don't really contribute to expenses. Who wants to calculate with him, never, we never talk about money. But brother does. Sad case.
What Marcus said quite true- probably I just do my part tht's all. Have done my duty and love to care and take care of mum. Marcus said- girls still alright, coz when they find someone, the hubby can contribute to the finance. But guys a bit difficult, coz their burden will be tight. True in one sense, wrong in another. That's why girl usually choose for more secure man, a man that they can trust, a man that's stable. Well planned and stable. That is more of worldly point of view. What about Christian's view? A Godly man, man of faith. yes, it's much desired. Once- yet now I'm not sure anymore. What's the criteria I placed for my future life partner? Thinking about it make me wonder am I really prepared for any relationship? Church saying- when you're completely passionate with God then the relationship will come. Don't chase after it, not rush. I'm not rushing. Yeah, discussion last night with Roland and Benji quite interesting. They had placed high value on Spiritual women, women faith, women after God's own heart. I used to think that if a man love God very much then will be alright, everything will able to fit in nicely. Now I actually re-think on the truth. It's just so subjective. Therefore I should placed it aside. Let me heart be singled- is it singled for Him? Have not come to that part- the matter now is for me to discover my position in Him again. The rest come secondary. Yet, it's much struggles, when you're alone, lonely..with the age catching up- women at such age sort of pressing red button. I can't say that I won't feel pressured, yet I can only wait and pray. Ps. Mei said one thing- to be vulnerable. To continue to feel and to love even though it's a risk and it's vulnerable. To be vulnerable,yet I asked God for wisdom- to be focused on His timing. The road seems unclear, yet I wanna trust Him, I have to trust Him- the Giver of all good things.
Prayer meet last week was good- Kasturi asked what's the prayer need? For myself I wanna pray for a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone (Ezekial 36- if I'm not mistaken) To put His Spirit in my heart- to have a heart of flesh and Spirit and not heart of stone. I need that transformation. That in my encounter woth others- in my relationship I will not placed and reason with my minds, or to expect or to label, yet to be myself- learning others strength and accepting others weakness. Help me Lord I prayed!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Chinese New Year...simplicity
24th January 2006,
It's 5.56pm and I'm still in the office. has been a while did not write my blog, got to just sit and take time scribble something before I leave. Yeah, the title: Chinese New Year. This year will be a normal plain and simple Chinese New Year, my 2nd year celebrating in Penang. Celina will be coming back this Fri nite. Brother will be coming over Sunnyville for dinner as well. Mum will be really busy preparing, but it'll still be simple one.
Yesterday on-leave, had good time, helpig mum doing ribbon kuih and popiah kuih. Test my patience, realise am really really not patience- this take a lot time and details. Gee, then after tht went for lunch with mum, go banking then go hospital. Every week mum will go physio, and praise God it has been well. She's doing alright,..but recently got some problem with skin- keep itchy. Getting really worried at times, seeing her condition. Yet praying. Breakthrough in family- tht's wht Celina shared the other day. Probably this should be the focus- to pray as family. When's the last time we actually prayed as family? I remember once- during dad's sickness. Then another time when See Kheong still with Celina, we prayed for journey mercy for one another. Now...I really can't think about when is the last time all the Christians in our family holding hands and prayed. Once- yeah, recently on the phone I prayed over Celina on her struggles. That's good- prayer strengthen ties. Unites the hearts. That's where it keeps the family going despite of struggles and different opinions- despite the arguement and throwing tantrums sometimes. Above all else, the love of God still wth family- love and care. That makes family institution special.
Yeah, talking about tht, it should apply to Christian brothers and sisters in church. How we manage conflicts and how we handle situation in times of disagreement. How do we wanna edify one another, and lift ones up rather than pushing on down. How we wanna exalt others higher, look into ones needs and not only own needs. That's the main purpose of church- and cells. Am reviewing my role in cell. Things has change, probably my heart has change. A simple childlike Shirley- now more of the cautious, a "don't mess with me" sort of Shirley. How could such drastic change? That's the discussion with Pr. sam the other day. Praise God- He understands well. He said- don't over worry as if you're having split personality. I told Pr. how I felt- the change in me, that need to dealt with before I can continue in serving or any Ministry. Pr word of exhortation is encouraging. He said- He still can see the soft part in me, even tho' how I tried to be 'mean' yet. there's still that care and softness in me that never change. What a nice word. Is it? Really? He asked me not to stop loving, because it's my nature to love. I will not forget what Pr. said. Yeah, not to give up doing good, continue to do good, never give up, so that in due season you shall see the fruits if you don't give up (Gal). Hmm.. the word of God is true, and straight. Tht's no cornering and no hiding. It's the truth and it can build or it can destroy. How am I taking the Word of God? And how am I living in the WOG.
Year of Covenant. I wonder what the Lord installed for me in such year. So wht's the choice? To live own way, or trust it to God, and follow Him- obedience to His Words, and drawing close to Him in every circumtances. How am I putting Him real in my life? A challange for breakthrough.
It's 5.56pm and I'm still in the office. has been a while did not write my blog, got to just sit and take time scribble something before I leave. Yeah, the title: Chinese New Year. This year will be a normal plain and simple Chinese New Year, my 2nd year celebrating in Penang. Celina will be coming back this Fri nite. Brother will be coming over Sunnyville for dinner as well. Mum will be really busy preparing, but it'll still be simple one.
Yesterday on-leave, had good time, helpig mum doing ribbon kuih and popiah kuih. Test my patience, realise am really really not patience- this take a lot time and details. Gee, then after tht went for lunch with mum, go banking then go hospital. Every week mum will go physio, and praise God it has been well. She's doing alright,..but recently got some problem with skin- keep itchy. Getting really worried at times, seeing her condition. Yet praying. Breakthrough in family- tht's wht Celina shared the other day. Probably this should be the focus- to pray as family. When's the last time we actually prayed as family? I remember once- during dad's sickness. Then another time when See Kheong still with Celina, we prayed for journey mercy for one another. Now...I really can't think about when is the last time all the Christians in our family holding hands and prayed. Once- yeah, recently on the phone I prayed over Celina on her struggles. That's good- prayer strengthen ties. Unites the hearts. That's where it keeps the family going despite of struggles and different opinions- despite the arguement and throwing tantrums sometimes. Above all else, the love of God still wth family- love and care. That makes family institution special.
Yeah, talking about tht, it should apply to Christian brothers and sisters in church. How we manage conflicts and how we handle situation in times of disagreement. How do we wanna edify one another, and lift ones up rather than pushing on down. How we wanna exalt others higher, look into ones needs and not only own needs. That's the main purpose of church- and cells. Am reviewing my role in cell. Things has change, probably my heart has change. A simple childlike Shirley- now more of the cautious, a "don't mess with me" sort of Shirley. How could such drastic change? That's the discussion with Pr. sam the other day. Praise God- He understands well. He said- don't over worry as if you're having split personality. I told Pr. how I felt- the change in me, that need to dealt with before I can continue in serving or any Ministry. Pr word of exhortation is encouraging. He said- He still can see the soft part in me, even tho' how I tried to be 'mean' yet. there's still that care and softness in me that never change. What a nice word. Is it? Really? He asked me not to stop loving, because it's my nature to love. I will not forget what Pr. said. Yeah, not to give up doing good, continue to do good, never give up, so that in due season you shall see the fruits if you don't give up (Gal). Hmm.. the word of God is true, and straight. Tht's no cornering and no hiding. It's the truth and it can build or it can destroy. How am I taking the Word of God? And how am I living in the WOG.
Year of Covenant. I wonder what the Lord installed for me in such year. So wht's the choice? To live own way, or trust it to God, and follow Him- obedience to His Words, and drawing close to Him in every circumtances. How am I putting Him real in my life? A challange for breakthrough.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Forgiveness, start from the heart
19th January 2006,
8.57am Thurs morning. Last night we had prayer meeting. Pr. Mei shared about forgiveness, how true it is. I can identify with the sharing. It's not easy to forgive, forgive and forget- will it be possible for that to happen? I do remember sharing in EPCC website about Forgive and Forget, but right now when you faced it, then you can feel how hard is the message, how difficult to do it- yet it's still possible not with our human flesh but with God's grace and Spirit. It is so true that when we choose to cling on to the unforgiveness, it will break the bridge between us and God- not allowing what God has install in our lives to flow thru'. It's so true that when we choose to remember the hurts and bitterness, it's like tie string with the person, both in the same boat, both in prison- couldn't be freed from all the guilt, bitterness and hurts. It's so true. I choose to release the unforgiveness- if there's any of it, the Lord search my heart... search it deep in. Any conflicts, any disagreements, any hurts, any words, any lies instill by the enemy- all this shall be laid open and exposed. Allowing forgiveness to flow, allowing God's grace and mercy to flow in me.
8.57am Thurs morning. Last night we had prayer meeting. Pr. Mei shared about forgiveness, how true it is. I can identify with the sharing. It's not easy to forgive, forgive and forget- will it be possible for that to happen? I do remember sharing in EPCC website about Forgive and Forget, but right now when you faced it, then you can feel how hard is the message, how difficult to do it- yet it's still possible not with our human flesh but with God's grace and Spirit. It is so true that when we choose to cling on to the unforgiveness, it will break the bridge between us and God- not allowing what God has install in our lives to flow thru'. It's so true that when we choose to remember the hurts and bitterness, it's like tie string with the person, both in the same boat, both in prison- couldn't be freed from all the guilt, bitterness and hurts. It's so true. I choose to release the unforgiveness- if there's any of it, the Lord search my heart... search it deep in. Any conflicts, any disagreements, any hurts, any words, any lies instill by the enemy- all this shall be laid open and exposed. Allowing forgiveness to flow, allowing God's grace and mercy to flow in me.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Laying Down....
14th January 2006,
8.56am, Saturday morning in the office. Just finish generating PO. Gonna go for breakfast later. This morning prayer is good- Pr. shared on the Hosea 6: obedience better than sacrifice, and offerings. A new year 2006- Year of Covenant- Loving People Loving Man. How do we wanna go from here? How do we wanna allow God to mess up with our plans and agenda. Looking through the plans for 2006 I'm a little fearful- a lot of activities, how will the church members take it? Really pray for wisdom- to disseminate the information and purpose accordingly. I'm worried- yet, why should I, it's God's church, His temple, His people. Gonna trust Him on that, and do my part. How have I been doing my part?
Yesterday was great. Actually quite a lot people- Eugeen and Winnie, Lee Koh and Jasmine, Benji, Felix, Me and Mum. Actually we can start a Cell, but I'm just not prepared. But praise God things going good. We had round table dinner- spagetthi, KFC, mashed potatoes, sausages, red bean 'tong sui'. Char Bee hoon. Overall, we had good time of makaning. Then we proceed for Joyce Meyer's sermon. Not sure what's the title of the sermon- but I think "Divine Interuption" should be the one. I'm blessed by the sermon. It's just down to earth, have a high standard- God's standard of Love. It just speak forth on a few scenario that we're commonly faced- how's the testimony to the world. How to be a 'worldly' Christian. How to be a blessing- with of love life. A life-check on my love life. Got to stop here- gonna go for breakfast. Pray that the blog of questions will not just be a questions but a challenge for me to persue on life- to eternity, to His purpose.
8.56am, Saturday morning in the office. Just finish generating PO. Gonna go for breakfast later. This morning prayer is good- Pr. shared on the Hosea 6: obedience better than sacrifice, and offerings. A new year 2006- Year of Covenant- Loving People Loving Man. How do we wanna go from here? How do we wanna allow God to mess up with our plans and agenda. Looking through the plans for 2006 I'm a little fearful- a lot of activities, how will the church members take it? Really pray for wisdom- to disseminate the information and purpose accordingly. I'm worried- yet, why should I, it's God's church, His temple, His people. Gonna trust Him on that, and do my part. How have I been doing my part?
Yesterday was great. Actually quite a lot people- Eugeen and Winnie, Lee Koh and Jasmine, Benji, Felix, Me and Mum. Actually we can start a Cell, but I'm just not prepared. But praise God things going good. We had round table dinner- spagetthi, KFC, mashed potatoes, sausages, red bean 'tong sui'. Char Bee hoon. Overall, we had good time of makaning. Then we proceed for Joyce Meyer's sermon. Not sure what's the title of the sermon- but I think "Divine Interuption" should be the one. I'm blessed by the sermon. It's just down to earth, have a high standard- God's standard of Love. It just speak forth on a few scenario that we're commonly faced- how's the testimony to the world. How to be a 'worldly' Christian. How to be a blessing- with of love life. A life-check on my love life. Got to stop here- gonna go for breakfast. Pray that the blog of questions will not just be a questions but a challenge for me to persue on life- to eternity, to His purpose.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
A Broken Spirit and a Contrite Heart
12th January 2006,
8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.
Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)
I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.
Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.
8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.
Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)
I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.
Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.
Oh Father, forgive me for the reaction, that's fleshly. You know my heart Lord, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You are familiar with all my ways. Even before any words from my mouth, You already knew it. Search my heart Lord- if there's any offensive ways in me, any wicked ways in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. Lead me Lord, lead me I pray!
Saturday, January 07, 2006
It's Hurts....How to heal the Wounds?
7th January 2006,
It's so hurting. It's like a deep sharp knive cut through my heart, not just cut through, but squeeze deep, rotating the knives deep within. Thought the wounds has healed, Has been 3 years, yet it's still bleeding, it's still so painful. Thought had been used to the pain, as if I've been slapped 100 times and left no more pain even to slap another few times. Thought I can't feel the pain anymore..thought it's going to be alright when not thinking about it, not facing it. Yet it's not true. The pain is so real....The Word is just so sharp- it's just so wrong, so untrue, so hurting.
It's morning. I fetched Angie to Sharon's house before go to work. Thought it will be great morning coz of the coming wedding. A lot things to prepare- yesterday Deco was up...today plan to take time off to go to wedding. Then it comes a mail from Kenneth- again, enough smses, thot without replying should be enough, yet he is just would let go. It's just so hurting with the mail, made me shed tears again? Why I cried? Don't need to cry- it has been so long- no need to be emotional about tht? Why you cry dear...??? He's just so sick, who can help? No one can help. I'm the victim again..tht is enough! 3 years plus, that's enough! The words is enough! How am I going to forgive? Lord, How to forgive? How to let the Word pass by me- and place it back to You. You who judge the acts. You know which is true which is not. You judge Your children. That's enough Lord! What are You teaching me here? My heart is just so broken- a friend? A friend? Can't describe it...can't contain it. It's just enough!
It's so hurting. It's like a deep sharp knive cut through my heart, not just cut through, but squeeze deep, rotating the knives deep within. Thought the wounds has healed, Has been 3 years, yet it's still bleeding, it's still so painful. Thought had been used to the pain, as if I've been slapped 100 times and left no more pain even to slap another few times. Thought I can't feel the pain anymore..thought it's going to be alright when not thinking about it, not facing it. Yet it's not true. The pain is so real....The Word is just so sharp- it's just so wrong, so untrue, so hurting.
It's morning. I fetched Angie to Sharon's house before go to work. Thought it will be great morning coz of the coming wedding. A lot things to prepare- yesterday Deco was up...today plan to take time off to go to wedding. Then it comes a mail from Kenneth- again, enough smses, thot without replying should be enough, yet he is just would let go. It's just so hurting with the mail, made me shed tears again? Why I cried? Don't need to cry- it has been so long- no need to be emotional about tht? Why you cry dear...??? He's just so sick, who can help? No one can help. I'm the victim again..tht is enough! 3 years plus, that's enough! The words is enough! How am I going to forgive? Lord, How to forgive? How to let the Word pass by me- and place it back to You. You who judge the acts. You know which is true which is not. You judge Your children. That's enough Lord! What are You teaching me here? My heart is just so broken- a friend? A friend? Can't describe it...can't contain it. It's just enough!
O Lord, I throw all this hurts to You- see, so much of it! So much! See all my tears- take it Lord, I don't wanna contain it. It's so tiring- I give it to You, set me free Lord, Set me free to love again, to smile again, to be openned again. Help me not to dwell in that circular motion of hurts. I let it go to You, guide my heart- give me a heart of wisdom. Amen!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Serving- Attitude outflow from the Heart
5th january 2006,
4.36pm. It's time to be back home. Stay here to write blog. Just had IM with Matthew in regards to ushering. We will be having meeting later at 7pm. Quite upset of the discussion. Has some disagreement with him regarding certain issue.
Checking my heart- how is my reaction on serving? It should be out from a heart of joy- as thanksgiving unto the Lord- freely give as best as can. But sometimes if we don't perform up to the expectation then how should tht be? Am I being offended? What about expectation? How am I offer my serving to Him? As of needs, as of love, joy in giving, as of obligation? How should be my response? Where is the passion of serving and giving your best to Him without considering how others said?
Maybe the matter not lies on Matthew, it's my heart attitude got to change. Why am I being calculative nowadays, and being very much selective and not easily commiting to help if any needs. Is it that all this while I've been serving out of obligation and it gets tired? I got to move on- serving, loving, giving- all the matter of the attitude of the heart. Who is God to you Shirley? Who are you serving in this ushering? Why do you get irritate by the expectation of others when He is the Lord of all that you serve? Got to get this right. How are you working with people of different temperament and accepting the strength and weakness of the indididual and work in unity? How are you responding to critic and offense? Positively. Yes, look up, the focus, the goal- the purpose. Wanna do it? Servant heart, submissive, and knowing doing your best- having the right attitude, right heart- and your service will be acceptable to Him.
4.36pm. It's time to be back home. Stay here to write blog. Just had IM with Matthew in regards to ushering. We will be having meeting later at 7pm. Quite upset of the discussion. Has some disagreement with him regarding certain issue.
Checking my heart- how is my reaction on serving? It should be out from a heart of joy- as thanksgiving unto the Lord- freely give as best as can. But sometimes if we don't perform up to the expectation then how should tht be? Am I being offended? What about expectation? How am I offer my serving to Him? As of needs, as of love, joy in giving, as of obligation? How should be my response? Where is the passion of serving and giving your best to Him without considering how others said?
Maybe the matter not lies on Matthew, it's my heart attitude got to change. Why am I being calculative nowadays, and being very much selective and not easily commiting to help if any needs. Is it that all this while I've been serving out of obligation and it gets tired? I got to move on- serving, loving, giving- all the matter of the attitude of the heart. Who is God to you Shirley? Who are you serving in this ushering? Why do you get irritate by the expectation of others when He is the Lord of all that you serve? Got to get this right. How are you working with people of different temperament and accepting the strength and weakness of the indididual and work in unity? How are you responding to critic and offense? Positively. Yes, look up, the focus, the goal- the purpose. Wanna do it? Servant heart, submissive, and knowing doing your best- having the right attitude, right heart- and your service will be acceptable to Him.
Oh Lord! Forgive me if my service thus far has been limited, out from a heavy heart, out of obligation. From today on- guide my heart- a willingness to serve, serve with a servant heart- a joy, a submissive spirit. Teach me on servanthood, that it is You who First to come to serve, not to be served, but to serve others and give Your life as ransom for many. Teach me to die on my flesh, my pride- of wanting the receive, but to give, to give, with joy with gladness, as I give my heart to You dear Lord. Unite my heart in Your purpose, teach me regarding submission, unity and building others up rather than pulling others down. Give me a teachable Spirit I pray...a childlike faith as before. Willingness,...I seek You dear Lord. Help me to obey Your voice. Guide me Holy Spirit. In times when the heart rebel, guide me to be still and know that You are Lord- You are in control, You are the One and Only I serve, not man but You. Be a God pleaser and not man-pleaser...with this I pray, Amen!
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